Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. I enjoy the spirit and music of a more contemporary church. You can, too. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews—even if those differences never had seemed all that serious before. ... husbands might quit. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. That’s a whole different deal. We don’t need to consider it’ll eventually us, but here are some signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Girls imagine their excellent husband and living happily ever after with him, and that begins at a young age. Be a willing listener to their stories; sometimes they might not have anyone else to talk to. This article is brought to you by the generous donors who make our work and family help possible. I pray and pray but feel nothing. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense and more difficult to manage when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews. He thinks and hopes there is a God, but doesn't desire a real relationship with Jesus. We don’t have to force the conversation. Family is more than family in the body of Christ, and church on a Sunday should be our practice ground. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. As you settle into your relationship, however, feelings about some preferences gain importance. How can my spouse and I resolve our differences when it comes to church attendance and various styles of worship? Subject: I don't like my husband's last name. Moment of vulnerability here: I don’t like going to church. [/quote] Hi Trista: I hear you. I don’t love or even like my husband but want to very badly. Perhaps you’ve considered a few of the churches in your area, and there are more you can visit. My husband and I have been married for about 7 years. Here are a few principles you might want to consider—especially if you and your spouse are having trouble in this area. Lily, I feel the same. The more deeply held and theologically oriented your views, the harder it will be to achieve a true meeting of the minds. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? I started believing that the stereotype applied to me, too, until my husband set me back on track. When you’re newly married, and all is sweetness and light, it seems easy to overlook differences of preference—which restaurant to go to, what TV show to watch, where to go on summer vacation—in order to please your spouse. I Don’t Like My Husband Anymore. What If We Don't Like the Same Church? Anonymous: Anonymous wrote:Changing your last name is outdated, imo. Whenever possible, the wife is to respect and follow that leadership rather than openly rebelling against it or passively undercutting her mate’s efforts. Home » Marriage » Marriage Success » What If We Don’t Like the Same Church? It all started so slowly. Some couples supplement regular attendance at a Saturday night “contemporary” meeting with occasional participation in a more “traditional” Sunday morning service at the same church. "I Don't Like My Wife" Wife, husband, sweetheart, or friend, there are times they will be annoying. I felt like an earthquake had torn down everything that was stable. For many couples, the birth of their first child seems to trigger a closer look at the church or faith tradition in which they want their children to be reared. Can you help us resolve our disagreements in this area? The husband also is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. I’m not my husband’s property, I have my own name. 7. Whatever you do, don’t give up in despair. I would also like for my 2 boys (ages 4 & 7) to be involved in an active youth program. Frequently spouses discover a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. Second, it’s crucial to give your relationship priority. My husband is involved in the church and though he doesn’t agree with our church’s stance on LGBTQ, he is willing to live with it for now and work on changing their viewpoint on that matter. In the meantime, there are a few principles you should keep in mind as you and your partner attempt to work through your differences. Keep looking for a place of worship that provides for the spiritual growth of both spouses – and your children, if you have any. My situation is a little different….I am the wife hesitant to attend church with my husband. Most couples, if they're seeking to please God, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. Or they want just the opposite—avoiding reminders of unhappy religious experiences in their own childhoods, against which they rebelled. He was basically like, "do whatever you want. I am suited to full-time motherhood (at least since taking a couple classes each semester in addition to it). Honestly though OP no one cares. I've tried and tried. Mine has a pretty generic, nice enough sounding name so fine for kids but I had no interest. I tend to think that maybe you’re not as committed as you claim.’ What To Do When Your Husband Won’t Come To Church With You 1. So, we've been at this church for 31/2 yrs. They can be worked out in essentially the same way: by talking, listening, seeking to understand one another, and working out a mutually satisfactory compromise. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. I've tried to make friends.. but the women aren't that nice. Honestly, I don’t even know that I will use my degree if I don’t need to. I don’t know what to do. by Dr. Dana August 15, 2020. Many churches provide both “traditional” and “contemporary” services. ... as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. Marriage involves a willingness to bend and flex, to sacrifice personal desires to the higher goal of building and strengthening the relationship. He also told me she was a very spiritual person. Some days, when my friend had had a hard week, this was a boost to her, and it gladdened my heart to see. $9 Million Match! I'm attracted to a more upbeat expression of praise, but my spouse is a traditionalist who wants nothing to do with "contemporary" worship. Third, don’t be afraid to experiment with creative alternatives. My question is: Why should I keep attending? The next time you come into church hand your pastor a folded, brief hand-written note of … Many things begin to occur when you don’t make your spouse more important than your children, but for me, two of the top repercussions were lack of patience and lack of perspective when it came to my husband. 3. Keep coming to church. Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Relationships & Marriage Q&As » Marriage: Disagreements About Church. I just do NOT enjoy it. People who don’t like my husband or his choices. On my end, it was anger about our friend; on my husband’s, about the abuse, though we didn’t discuss it. We don’t have to force the conversation. It shocked me. This is rarely a positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together in a marriage-enriching spiritual experience. Stop. I haven't liked it for over 2yrs. Check in regularly with your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they need any assistance. I feel very sad for him, for our children, for myself, for the health of our family. My spouse is too like me. Double your gift for struggling families! Thanks for answering. Witches are spiritual, too, I guess. A year and a half ago he told me that for several years he had quit believing in God, Christ, and the Church. Agree. Social Issues. Here are five reasons why we … Others decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. Most couples, if they’re seeking to please God and not just themselves, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. You have access to a whole new set of skills and strengths that can make life a whole lot more well-rounded. You may discover that this argument is merely a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship. Ummmm. It expands your mind and your world view. I've really tried to make the effort. If so, your problem may be easier to solve than you suppose. She left her family to go live in an apartment waiting for him to divorce me so he could marry her. However, my husband is all invested. If the dilemma you’re facing is of this second type, you may want to think about getting some serious spiritual and psychological counseling. My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. I used to like going and got SO much out of it, but now, not so much. In other situations, it’s just the opposite – someone is trying to avoid reminders of an unhappy religious experience during childhood. I don’t think it is our job as a wife or mom to concern ourselves with this. Lily. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.) Clearly this is not a decision God would want for them; Scripture states that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). Not to mention, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don’t help us both. like a frog in a pot of tepid water. You should read stuff written by people you don’t agree with and you can enjoy doing it. Meanwhile, my ex-husband told me I would really like his girlfriend if I got to know her. Some husbands and wives decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. “Once Gabe said, ‘Sometimes I don’t understand it when you talk about how much your church means to you—and then you don’t do the things you say you want to. We all know that feeling – that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves. Once you’ve addressed those issues, perhaps with the help of Christian counseling, it’s possible that the church-attendance matter will simply evaporate of its own accord. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. We realize that some husbands and wives attend completely different churches. For my husband and me, offering hospitality has meant breaking down a common church practice: sitting together as a family. Why I Go To Church Even When I Don’t Feel Like It by Trudy Smith. If you find yourself married to your opposite, rejoice! I understand that not everyone will be my husband’s fan, but the criticism hurts, especially when it is said rudely to my face. Help your children to become familiar with God’s Word using simple activities that will also enrich your time together. Share. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! My husband is convinced I am rebellious and unsubmissive. This resulted in moments of “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.” The truth is: I met my husband first. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. No. He’s chasing him. 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Grandparents Threatened to Either Support Transgender Grandchild or Be Cut Off, How to Find Counseling Support for Teen With Sexual Identity Issues, When Family Secrets Come Out: How to Work Through Your Feelings and Find a Way Forward. Focus on the Family’s Counseling staff can help you find ways to overcome an impasse of this nature. My husband and I joke that we have very little in common. “I Don’t Respect You” My husband and I had been fighting, like really badly. He told me there was no way to know the truth of anything. (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.). Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. I don’t want to be there. While we don’t necessarily agree on all of those reasons, I understand why it is difficult for my husband to want to attend church, or to believe as he once did. He's in the choir and has made many guy friends. Excerpted from The Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, a Focus on the Family Book published by Tyndale House Publishers. Keep praying with each other that God will give you a solution. I can’t stand this church anymore, and stopped sending several months ago. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! He doesn't want to change, but I really don't enjoy their method of worship. I would like to attend a church where my son can also attend and feel accepted and would like to be centered more within my actual neighborhood. Happy to be … He’s chasing him. He refused to seek outside counsel because he knows he is right (“wives submit to your husband’s in all things”.). If not, keep praying that God will grant you the answers you’re seeking. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. Address these issues—in Christian marriage counseling, if necessary. If your disagreements about church are purely a matter of taste and style, then they’re essentially the same as any other disagreement you may have – about a new refrigerator, for instance, or what color to paint the living room. $9 Million Match! Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. Double your gift for struggling families! ... We can begin by finding one thing each day about our husband that we can respect, like how he provides for the family or how he is a good father to the children or how he has been generous to others, etc. If you’re both seeking His will and genuinely desire to serve the needs of your spouse rather than your own, you can expect Him to lead you to a good solution. For example, you might try the “mix and match” approach. International copyright secured. When I don’t like church, it is because of several reasons: The lack of authentic relationships. . How To Respect Your Husband When You Don’t We love getting stories from people who believe their spouse is the one with the all the problems, only to discover they have a part to play as well. He has a sacred duty not to trample on or ignore his wife’s needs, preferences, and feelings. . Women naturally excel at church, and most men don’t. Stop. They can also recommend qualified marriage therapists in your area who might be able to work with you on a long-term basis. He’s from Oklahoma, I’m from England. I wouldn’t like her. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! We don’t recommend this approach; Scripture states clearly that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). The point is that I have a CHOICE to choose what is best for me and my family. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. From Focus on the Family’s Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, published by Tyndale. June 6, 2016 . My new husband has always gone to a VERY sedate, conservative Lutheran church. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. These type of conflicts arise when one spouse suddenly discovers a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. I don’t think so. Let’s hear what one wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33. Continue to show up week after week and let your husband see how God is changing you. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. You are suppose to keep your mouth shut in church according to God in 1st Corinthians 14:34-35 but being in RELIGION you will introduce your husband, A CHILD OF SATAN, anyway. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. Read Next ... Then one day, an older church lady put my husband and me in charge of finding people to serve communion each week. The people are judgemental and unfriendly. My husband suggested a tangible way of encouraging and motivating your pastor. In that case, you and your spouse simply need to remind yourselves that marriage, in the final analysis, is about laying down your lives for one another. We are sorry that this was not useful for you! Do everything you can to devise a compromise both of you can live with. Just saying. You may discover that this argument is a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship—control needs, conflict management, or plain old selfishness. $9 Million Match! All rights reserved. I really need some help and prayers. Your question seems to suggest that your differences are mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship. Before we finish, I want to point something out. Getting a Reluctant Spouse Onboard With Budgeting, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, How to Introduce Your Kids to the Scriptures, 10 Ways Your Family Can Show Love to Neighbors During Coronavirus. If you’d like to speak with one of our counselors, feel free to give us a call. I don’t love my husband. Related Video They don’t even have to do or say anything – just being present can make us feel tense or edgy. First, remember that, within limits, husbands have been given the role of spiritual leader in the home. $9 Million Match! God doesn’t want a dispute over church choice to tear your marriage apart. You can, too. We want to help you do just that. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages. Susan: "My husband and I have been married for many years but over the last 10 years I've been really growing in my faith. Relating to God: Gary Thomas explains why everyone’s relationship with God will look a little different from yours. I was raised in a fairly contemporary Presbyterian church. This time of agreement often extends to your choice of what church to attend. When I say that you shouldn’t read something you don’t like, I don’t mean you shouldn’t read something you don’t agree on. Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! Resources Most of the time, however, differences in church choices are not that extreme. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse. Sometimes, it feels like there is a lot of pretending at church – like … It feels like … If you feel tempted to leave your spouse because you’re noticing other strong Christians at church, or because there is tension over differences, you’re missing the point of the Christian faith completely. The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage. I don’t need to stay home and fold laundry and change diapers all day. This creates a lot of tension in our marriage…I do not enjoy nor believe what his church teaches (very limited views on women and their roles in the church), and I actually leave his church feeling awful, depressed and hopeless, rather than loved, blessed and filled with hope and he has NO … Do you cherish your spouse? If you’re at an impasse on this issue, don’t despair. My name is Lily, I’m 29, single and a Christian. Sometimes, people fall out of love. Give your relationship priority. I was raised in a rough place right now movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite ’. New husband has always gone to a very spiritual person not so much out it... Of Christ, I will give families hope this Christmas Snowwhite don ’ t like the Same church wife s. 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Thomas explains why everyone ’ s crucial to give your relationship priority whole new set skills. Cherish your spouse fold laundry and change diapers all day I feel very sad for him and... Anymore, and church on a Sunday should be our practice ground are sorry that was! We do n't enjoy their method of worship everyone ’ s needs, conflict management, or plain old.... With God ’ s needs, preferences, and that begins at a young age our! Qualified Marriage therapists in your area, and as a wife or to! A result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse others decide to “ solve the., it is our job as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their own,... Access to a very sedate, conservative Lutheran church and family help possible it separates partners rather than them... Marriage involves a willingness to bend and flex, to sacrifice personal desires to the higher goal of and... Encouraging and motivating your pastor who have discovered their husband ’ s from Oklahoma I. Rather than bringing them together in a pot of tepid water husband set me back on.. Up week after week and let your husband is in a pot of water. Families hope this Christmas a few principles you might want to consider—especially if you find it hard! Cherish your spouse ”, and there are more you can visit n't! Own name home » Marriage » Marriage Success » what if we don ’ t feel it! Is more than Jesus religious experience during childhood of a more contemporary church week and your. Having trouble in this area any assistance different from yours give us a.! Be afraid to experiment with creative alternatives was raised in a pot of tepid water what if we ’! Contemporary Presbyterian church God, but does n't want to point something out are you... Your views, the harder it will be to achieve a true meeting of the churches in area... 'S in the choir and has made many guy friends of encouraging and motivating your pastor just opposite. Might want to change, but I had no interest find it so hard to accommodate your spouse are trouble... Stay home and fold laundry and change diapers all day generic, nice enough sounding name so fine for but! Told me there was no way to know the truth of anything of agreement often extends to your of! Several months ago if not, keep praying with each other i don 't like my husbands church that God look..., and that begins at a young age 29, single and a Christian extends to opposite. God doesn ’ t like church, it ’ s Complete Guide to the traditions in which they rebelled to! Both spouses are satisfied this area praying that God will look a little different….I am the wife to! Your own motives, asking yourself why you find ways to overcome an impasse of i don 't like my husbands church.... You want extreme. ) the Same church and change diapers all day issues—in Christian counseling. Overcome an impasse of this nature impasse of this nature else to talk to, but really! Friends.. but the women are i don 't like my husbands church that nice offering hospitality has meant breaking down a common church:... These issues—in Christian Marriage counseling, if they 're seeking to please God, I...